I could have never dreamed or imagined the things that we would come up against as we have started this Academy. These kids bring the most surprising struggles to the table.
For the last couple of weeks we've been struggling with one of the boys, Rory. He just doesn't want to train as much as we require. The problem is really that he wants to hang out with his little girlfriend. Really? At 12 years old you want to waste time with girls!?!? I had to think back to when I was 12, and remembered that I also had "girlfriends" but in suburban America that's all a big joke. You see each other at school and you're lucky if your Mom will take you to the movies together on Friday night. But in the communities that the boys are coming from they can walk to each other's houses, so it's actually quite a temptation. And because sexuality is such a perverse thing here it's possible that they are already considering having sex. Rory missed all 3 practices last week (he was lucky we already were giving them 1 day off or he would have missed all 4) and has missed 6 of 11. We had a heart to heart with him during school on Thursday and he STILL didn't come to training that night. On Saturday Mike & I tried pursuing him and not letting him waste this opportunity. We scheduled to take him to lunch, but then he wasn't at home. We tracked him to Fish Hoek at which point we walked the streets and the beach looking for him. I NEVER imagined that this is what I'd be doing! We never found him, but did eventually chat to his mom for a few minutes. Finally on Monday we wrangled him into a lunch meeting and got him to commit to the next 2 weeks (leading up to a big tournament we are playing in) before he gives up. Hopefully he'll get sucked in by that.
We've also been dealing with Josh, who I wrote about a few posts back. Josh comes from such a rough background and he's quite rough around the edges. That bit of anger actually helps make him a great player, but it often gets misplaced. On Sunday we had a friendly and he arrived grumpy, everything was frustrating him. Towards the end of the game he made a bad play which led to him passing the ball out of bounds, he then shouted at the player he was trying to pass to, attempting to shift the blame. That kid shouted back and Josh continued shouting. (Mind you, all of this is happening in Afrikaans, so I have no idea what they're saying, I just know it's not nice!) Because Josh wouldn't stop I pulled him off the field. He has this problem from time to time and we're trying to slowly work it out of him. Being positive is one of the main values of our culture and we talk about how we never scream negative things at each other. Well, me pulling him off just sent him over the edge. He wouldn't calm down and couldn't talk with me. The game ended about that time so everybody started changing. We were planning to take the team to the beach for a little team bonding, but when we prepared to leave we realized Josh had left on his own. His house is at least 10 miles away, so I'm not sure what his plan was, but he just doesn't have the skills to deal with his anger. Eventually, Mike caught up with him, convinced him to get in the car, and the longer the time went on the beach the more he softened.
Again, I never imagined dealing with this stuff. How do you handle this? You can't deal with these situations the same way you would in the States. The environments, cultures, and experiences are so different. I don't know what kind of trauma Josh has experienced that has caused him to respond in these ways. The reality is that we WILL NOT give up on these boys easily. Most people in their lives give up on them when they mess up like this, but that doesn't feel like the picture Jesus drew for us with his life. He constantly pursues us, even when we hash things up, so we'll keep chasing these kids until they decide they truly don't want it anymore. But please pray for us! We need grace, wisdom, patience, and discernment!
Casey
For the last couple of weeks we've been struggling with one of the boys, Rory. He just doesn't want to train as much as we require. The problem is really that he wants to hang out with his little girlfriend. Really? At 12 years old you want to waste time with girls!?!? I had to think back to when I was 12, and remembered that I also had "girlfriends" but in suburban America that's all a big joke. You see each other at school and you're lucky if your Mom will take you to the movies together on Friday night. But in the communities that the boys are coming from they can walk to each other's houses, so it's actually quite a temptation. And because sexuality is such a perverse thing here it's possible that they are already considering having sex. Rory missed all 3 practices last week (he was lucky we already were giving them 1 day off or he would have missed all 4) and has missed 6 of 11. We had a heart to heart with him during school on Thursday and he STILL didn't come to training that night. On Saturday Mike & I tried pursuing him and not letting him waste this opportunity. We scheduled to take him to lunch, but then he wasn't at home. We tracked him to Fish Hoek at which point we walked the streets and the beach looking for him. I NEVER imagined that this is what I'd be doing! We never found him, but did eventually chat to his mom for a few minutes. Finally on Monday we wrangled him into a lunch meeting and got him to commit to the next 2 weeks (leading up to a big tournament we are playing in) before he gives up. Hopefully he'll get sucked in by that.
We've also been dealing with Josh, who I wrote about a few posts back. Josh comes from such a rough background and he's quite rough around the edges. That bit of anger actually helps make him a great player, but it often gets misplaced. On Sunday we had a friendly and he arrived grumpy, everything was frustrating him. Towards the end of the game he made a bad play which led to him passing the ball out of bounds, he then shouted at the player he was trying to pass to, attempting to shift the blame. That kid shouted back and Josh continued shouting. (Mind you, all of this is happening in Afrikaans, so I have no idea what they're saying, I just know it's not nice!) Because Josh wouldn't stop I pulled him off the field. He has this problem from time to time and we're trying to slowly work it out of him. Being positive is one of the main values of our culture and we talk about how we never scream negative things at each other. Well, me pulling him off just sent him over the edge. He wouldn't calm down and couldn't talk with me. The game ended about that time so everybody started changing. We were planning to take the team to the beach for a little team bonding, but when we prepared to leave we realized Josh had left on his own. His house is at least 10 miles away, so I'm not sure what his plan was, but he just doesn't have the skills to deal with his anger. Eventually, Mike caught up with him, convinced him to get in the car, and the longer the time went on the beach the more he softened.
Again, I never imagined dealing with this stuff. How do you handle this? You can't deal with these situations the same way you would in the States. The environments, cultures, and experiences are so different. I don't know what kind of trauma Josh has experienced that has caused him to respond in these ways. The reality is that we WILL NOT give up on these boys easily. Most people in their lives give up on them when they mess up like this, but that doesn't feel like the picture Jesus drew for us with his life. He constantly pursues us, even when we hash things up, so we'll keep chasing these kids until they decide they truly don't want it anymore. But please pray for us! We need grace, wisdom, patience, and discernment!
Casey
Wow Casey! So many things to think about and wonder about. the great thing is you are grounded in Him and you are just God's vessel. God can make a difference in these young men's lives in His time. You are great. praying for you!
ReplyDeleteG
Casey - Satan is having a field day trying to thwart your efforts at every turn. Pray, pray, and pray and don't hesitate to bind Satan in the name of Jesus when you face these challenges with these boys. Satan does not want them to know the saving grace of our Lord, and he will do everything in his power to challenge you at every turn, BUT the power of the living Lord will work through you and the lives of those boys - claim the victory!!!!
ReplyDeleteDale J.